Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
