So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
