I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
