While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
