we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
