im about as happy as oj after his trial
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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