I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
