He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
