I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
