Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Go christen that room with your naked body.
my poor anus
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
