It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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