I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
