apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
