Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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