I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
