definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
