new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
pop tarts are not kleenex
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
