That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
