Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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