..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
