2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
