So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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