but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
