It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
