I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
