I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
