oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
