And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
