I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
