I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
