Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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