Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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