I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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