you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
