so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
