he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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