Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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