The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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