Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
