Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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