I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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