Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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