Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
