i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize