Do you still have your period?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
