Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
