sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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