This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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