the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize