Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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