we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
