Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
