May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
