what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
