Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
