dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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