Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
