this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
