He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i love accidental penises.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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