When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize