Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
