she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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