I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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