dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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