I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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