EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
