its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
