My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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