guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
