Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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