I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
