i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
