I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
