I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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