Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
